Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend After The Break Up

Most guys trying to get back with an ex girlfriend have the most trouble initiating contact. When a girl breaks up with you, it's not always easy to know what to do. When do you call her? What can you say to get your ex back? These are tough questions, because making the wrong moves can destroy your chances of winning your girlfriend back.

Contact Call Exgirlfriend

When it comes to making ex girlfriend contact, timing is everything. Do it too soon and you'll come off as desperate or pushy.

But wait too long? Your ex could have moved on. And that type of post-breakup inaction on your part is never good either.

After breaking up with you, there will still be residual feelings in your girlfriend's heart. By playing on these emotional ties, you can gently pull your ex back in your direction, and make her see how she loves you again.

You need to do this in a subtle way that allows her to realize she still loves you, but also that she came to this realization all on her own.

Before you contact your ex girlfriend, understand that your break up won't be fixed overnight. You need to slow down and take things at whatever pace she might need you to, and that includes waiting a while before making that first call. Your ex broke up with you for a reason, so by trying to get her to change her mind it's almost like you're picking a fight with her. By accepting the break up and allowing it to resolve itself, you can work toward getting back together without the conflict of fighting to "save" your old relationship. This is where most guys go wrong.

Understanding Your Ex Girlfriend's Mental State After the Breakup

Another thing most men don't realize: you're not the only one emotionally effected by the break up. Right now your ex is feeling pretty vulnerable too, so approaching her just after she ends things is probably not a good idea. Any reaction you get will be negative, and she'll feel like you're pushing her. Just as you need some time to process the break up, so does she. By giving her time alone with her own thoughts, you're allowing your ex a chance to begin to miss you. You come off as cool and collected, and your exgirlfriend appreciates the lack of pressure. Any contact you have with your ex after that will be much more well-received.

Just after the break up, your ex does miss you - even when she's not calling or sending you emails. By choosing to end things, she's had to bury whatever feelings she still has for you. In time, you'll dig those feelings up and use them to draw her back into a relationship. But for right now, you need to leave her alone. You need to let your ex face the break up alone, without your friendship or companionship there to comfort her. Being completely alone without any contact at all will be scary for your ex, and when she's by herself she'll do things like question the break up. Over time, she'll look for ways to justify getting back together with you again.

Seeing the Breakup From Your Girlfriend's Point of View

The perspective that comes with being single will bring out another of your exgirlfriend's fears: you moving on. No girl wants to see her exboyfriend start a new life before she herself gets the chance to continue forward. This is why it's often a good idea to get out, have a great time, see other people, and generally make yourself into a social butterfly. Getting wind of these things will make your ex feel even more alone, and seeing that the break up hasn't really affected you will make her want you back. Girls, much like guys, always want the things they cannot have.

Calling your ex immediately after the break up, text-messaging her to say hello, forwarding funny emails... these things keep you in constant contact with your exgirlfriend. She doesn't ever get the chance to miss you because you never really go away. You're actually making her feel comfortable with the break up - and this is a bad thing. It's going to prolong the amount of time she spends without you, because she's already got a good portion of your attention.

As backwards and counter-productive as it sounds, breaking contact will always accelerate the process of fixing things between you.

So just how much non-contact is required? What's the ex-girlfriend calling etiquette? How long should I wait to call my ex girlfriend?

These questions vary from situation to situation, but the general rule seems to be about a month. That seems like a long time, and it's not what most guys want to hear... but understand that being apart is what really will bring you back together again. Think of your break up as temporary, if it helps you to.

During the time you're apart, work on yourself... and keep an eye out for signs that your ex girlfriend wants you back again. They'll be there, and probably sooner than you think. Know what to do when the time comes.

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